Vale, Mab
Mab, by Melinda Mills
Death is birthing you, in this long goodbye
The blue skies of your eyes
Now milk, cloudy white.
Your speckled ears, velvet to touch
Hear no comfort as I tend your needs
My hands gentle on your brittleness
Speak the words you cannot hear.
My baby dog, lost to time
Beneath your fur there is nothing but bones and stubbornness.
My little springy dog no longer works
You lie there crippled by time, by the pain of the leaving life
and the laboured breath of birthing death.
How can I leave you to the big sleep
How will I live with this guilt
What power gives me the right to close your eyes and still your breath?
The chasm of grief is too much
Where will all this love go, that’s been captured so perfectly inside your skin and bones?
I witness life leaving you and know what terrible kindness I must do
I hesitate. I pretend. I cry –
because I am selfish.
This death is cruel in the frailty of age.
I watch life retreat from you,
knowing the terrible kindness I must do.
I wait. I deny. I break –
because this is love.
You are fifteen years of me and losing you is losing me too.
You have loved me, my shadow, always at my side
Your comfort, your company. For my life.
Stop All The Clocks, by W H Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
It is with profound sadness to convey that my Mab, Australian Champion Cedarcorgis Chardonnay, my beautiful little furchild, has crossed to the rainbow bridge this afternoon aged 15 years and 8 months, 10-6-2009 to 15-3-2025.
Mab was a steadfast and dour Cardigan who was my little shadow and my comfort. She was always a mummy’s girl – so eager to please and comfort me. The storms we weathered together, the illnesses she battled, the triumphs we shared.
There is too much to tell about how she impacted my life. And I feared having to ‘mercy kill’ her as her illnesses crept up, so she did what only a perfect loving soul would do, and saved me from having to live with that guilt as she passed quietly at home this afternoon on a stinking hot day… her poor old body could not cope and she slipped away with Bonnie and I at her side giving her comfort and company as she drew her last breath, my tears falling on her beautiful face.
Some think that animals are just that… with no feelings, thoughts or awareness, but I know Mab knew me and knew how much I needed her throughout the years of her life. As a cute, wriggly puppy I could not imagine the bond we would forge as life gave us heartache, challenges and surprises. She outlasted, outwitted and outplayed 2 of my 3 husbands, lived in 2 states with me, flew on planes, survived illnesses and just kept on loving me and being there as life faded from her.
Mab and I shared a cheeseboard the other night as I sensed her time was tight. We enjoyed the cool evening and glass of bubbles together. I did not expect our love to be cut so quickly, she caught me unawares today.
Where will all this love go, that’s been captured so perfectly inside your skin and bones?
Goodbye Mab, my light in the dark. I will see you on the other side girl.
